A Hot Cup of English Breakfast Tea ☕

Why?? 😭

This has been one hot weekend for me (is this where I say pun intended? 😁).

I've had to balance my regular weekend life with on and off arguments centered around Women should not be complimented beyond the words beautiful 😪.

So here is the meme that fuelled this conversation on my WhatsApp and lead me to publishing this post.

And while I was still trying to grasp the concept of whoever came up with this idea, I got hit with another meme 😭:

To avoid the constant back and forth with the supporters of these I decided to make a writeup.

So here's my take, we cannot keep misinterpreting (seemingly) genuine compliments from everyday people to mean we have become objects of their sexual fantasies. And just because there are douchebags of men in market places calling out women in sexist, derogatory remarks should not mean we are now not able to accept casual expressions/compliments on how we look.

I know there are a a lot of sick and frightening people out there (male and female) most of them educated and even in white collar jobs ( oh I should know, I had some of them as friends), supporting the act of rape / saying someone deserved  to be raped because she went out with friends at night. I know and see people's comments on things like these. 

But you can't take the actions of a few mentally unstable people as the norm, then call an emergency Annual General Meeting to spread the word for women not to accept casual remarks of being told they look good.

And we have now progressed to issuing decrees on what other men are allowed to call their own women again. 😭😭

I know they are memes, but the conversation shows they are being taken as the gospel 😭😭. "Sh'ogun l'aye yi ni"? (Is this life a war zone?)

Are we adding our personal beliefs into what feminism is?

Because I'll be damned if my first name ever reverts to being permanently called "Tola" 🤒🥴 just because other sweet names are dehumanizing to a woman 🤯

Isn't there a stage in getting to be acquainted with each other where you make known what you like and what you don't like.

While I may still be a newbie to this love, marriage and life long relationships thing... From my balcony, it sure looks like we can never stop discovering something new about each other. Not to talk of how we grow on ourselves.

So imagine having to over analyse and misinterpret the concept of gender balance/feminism into the relationships we build with everyday people 🤕💔.

Put love aside, and let's even talk about friendships with the opposite sex.

I have agreed that there are a billion and one dickheads out there, and most of them get turned on by how sickening and distasteful they treat women (and vice versa). And they are why these conversations are even spiralling out of its true context.

But hey, there's just one life to live, and it sure as hell is more complicated than we were made to believe when all we wanted to do was become an adult.

So let's live it without putting undue pressure on ourselves and complicating the relationships we have with people that care about us.
And not to forget, a little act of kindness goes a long way. 💕

I'll love to know your thoughts on this.

As for me, I remain a hot cup of English breakfast tea (as they're the best 😄☕)

Tola Abegunde

Faith It Till You Make It

🎊It's A New Year

And here's me publishing a second post, urging you to set those goals. Do not let the internet bullies be a distraction.

It doesn't matter how many times you've written new year goals, and how many times you didn't achieve some or none.

Let the start of a new year just be another day or a new day no different from the next for them, but do not let them distract you. Define your year exactly how you want it. 

If it's a new year for you, and you wish to have new rules new goals, set them. Let nothing or online posts stop that.

Be intentional about how you want your year to go, who you want to be, how you want to be seen, the places you want your presence to be felt, the relationships you want to keep.

Give it life, make additions and/or subtractions the choice is yours, it's your life. Have action plans, progress reports, periodic check marks, etc. 

Say it, write it, act it, do it. Do you and be intentional about how you go about it, step right into the race you want to be in and win it. 

My first glimpse at stepping into the year exactly how I wanted it to be was at a 2006 crossover service into 2007, I wrote down how I wanted the first quarter of the year to go, prayed and acted into reality. It worked and I was shocked, the result was instant success.

As time went on there seemed to be no progress with my new discovery, every thing seemed normal. 

I was to later learn that sometimes, you do not get what you deserve because you keep thinking you've got this.

At a 2011 to 2012 crossover service, I changed things. I'd previously asked God for what I thought I wanted or needed, but this time I faithfully requested for him to take the wheel and redirect my path.

The result was initially brutal for me, but the goodness in that prayer revealed itself as the years went by. And here I am, proud of the woman I'm becoming.

Always be the person who bows/kneels or says a prayer or word of faith and walks right out to get it. Faith it till you make it. 

25 Years of Me.

It's my birthday. It's been a roller coaster ride, so recently inspired by loads of stuff from the past year to a post on Y!'s blog to my favourite tweets on Twitter to Glamour

Magazine’s 30 Things Every Woman Should Have

and Know by the Time She’s 30 here's a letter to a 25year old me:

Dear beautiful, tallented and brilliant Tola,

1. Be friendly and never put people off as much as you can manage, DO NOT shut the door out on relationships with people that have hurt. The door might be useful in future.

2. STOP pleasing everybody. Love yourself from your own heart, Live your life and have fun. (And this includes work)

3. Know that some things have been predestined, my eye color, cup size, nature of my parents cannot be changed. Accept reality.

4. Tola, you are beautiful just the way you are, day dreaming about booking an appointment with Dr 90210 needs to stop. Afterall, it's not as easy as E! makes it seem.

5. Classroom education does not guarantee success, it just enhances your chances of making it. Be street smart!

6. LET GO! Even the Bible says better is the end of a matter than its beginning.

7. The bottle of Coke/Pepsi sweating in the fridge is NOT calling my name, it's inanimate, it cannot talk. Don't indulge, keep exercising too. 

8. PLAN. 

9. LIVE. That not perfect childhood of mine is gone, the future beckons, it is here, it is me. 

10. You must get an LBD this year, because you have to get it.

11. Remember that there's a future and bills have to be paid, Indulge into the habit of saving. 

12. Saving is good, and so is the extravagant amount of money (let's say 5000$ -side eyeing my not so buoyant bank accounts) to be put aside for self payment and not feel guilty of it.

13. YES! You shall not feel guilty of it.

14. Enroll in a catering school this year, messing the kitchen slab with flour every saturday should be fun.

15. Appreciate everyone's hustle! Make no judgements about people until such a time it becomes glaring by all that I have attained the 'Perfect' status. 

16. Do not listen to hearsay. The Mamgobozios would always talk and they never bother to know what they are talking about. 

17. Be guarded with the fact that I have to be my own hero because the people (I thought) I cannot live without are doing amazing living without me. 

18. Believe in yourslef and work hard at it. Tola, become the sort of miss that prays and goes out to get it.

19. Again, LIVE! For 2 reasons: i. I was born, ii. I have not died yet. 

20. LEARN from mathematics, There is a lot more to it than two times two.. It may not teach how to add love or subtract hate, But it gives every reason to hope that every problem has a solution. 

21. PRAY: There is a power greater than yourself. Even in hard times, my broken heart should not undermine my capacity to be thankful knowing that it could have been worst. 

22. Be sure of 2 things, making it big and helping the not so privileged (so help me God!)

23. SMILE not because it is the best makeup to wear, but because it is the most natural way to a younger beautiful me! (Sideeyeing E!) Loosen up to!

24. There's just about an old saying telling everyone just about anything we want it to, so here's mine: "They lied. Hardwork has killed plenty people" -Old saying

It is good to work hard, but take out time for yourself, family and friends.

25. And lastly, Be proud of yourself, remember that if no one claps for you, do the clapping yourself.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!